Many people believe that the punishments in the children they are needed; others, on the other hand, consider them unnecessary and even negative. However, in this article we will see that punishments in children vary in effectiveness depending on how they are used .
Punishments in children: punish as a method to instill fear
If the punishments in children are aimed at instilling fear, we are doing it wrong . This usually happens when parents do not know how to exercise their authority in another way or feel unsafe in your paper.
The problem of punishing children with this objective is that they will believe that they do not deserve anything good, because they will consider that they do a lot of things wrong and will always stand on tiptoe waiting for their parents to get angry.
This can make them unsafe, habits of parental approval and very low self-esteem. In short, in this way you can lay negative foundations in your child for other types of relationships in the future.
In addition, children will learn something that is not positive. They will believe that to exercise their authority they have to threaten and punish . This could mean that if in adulthood they become heads of a company, they will most likely be toxic heads .
Punish for punishing?
When punishments in children become meaningless, we may not be able to correct the behavior we desire . In these cases, as parents we would have to review if the punishments are being effective and change our strategy if the answer is “no”.
Let’s give an example:
Marta has a son who has arrived from school. The teacher told her that she was running out of recess because she had not done her homework. So Marta punishes her son.
However, later, when her son is having tea with his sister, he starts to get involved with her and to act in a selfish way with some colored paintings they have on the table. Marta punishes her son again.
What’s going on here? Marta is normalizing the punishment , so it is losing much of its meaning. In fact, Marta’s son does not bother with correct your behavior at other times, but he does not even think about punishment.
He knows that if he does something and his mother does not like it, he has to go to the room, but that’s it. Then everything returns to normal. The punishment has lost its meaning .
Maybe Marta could talk to her son, reflect on what has happened, start a conversation with him where views are exchanged. Maybe, in this way, everything would be much more enriching.
Communication and meditation
Although sometimes punishments in children can be very positive, we have to analyze the way in which we carry them out . Do we punish without talking to children about their behavior? Do we make punishment something normal?
In some cases, it may be much more fun to talk with the younger ones about what happened. However, for this we have to get rid of the fact that they are small and that they will not know how to maintain a conversation it would be or that thanks to the punishment “they will respect us”.
Communicating with the children will allow them to ask questions if they do not understand something, look at the situation as the adult does and acquire greater responsibility for their actions. But, if nothing is explained to him, he will not understand anything.
It is true that with the punishment There is a consequence, but there is no learning . Therefore, the punishment is not worth anything.
In a Baltimore school they decided change the punishments for moments of meditation . One can believe that children would not know how to be quiet or respect this kind of “punishment”. However, the results were amazing.
Children learned to better manage their emotions , were able to reflect on their behavior and then talk about it and, above all, they could know themselves much better.
Perhaps a punctual punishment takes effect, but if it becomes something everyday, it may lose its meaning .